When two people form a relationship or marry, they begin to move towards one another with the expectation of closeness. The emotionality or intensity that accompanies this process, however, may result in fusion followed by a desperate need for space or distance. Intrusive Partners - Elusive Mates is the first book to deal exclusively with the pursuer-distancer interaction, and to focus significant attention on the emerging male pursuer-female distancer dynamic. This book revisits Fogarty's work, traces the concept over time and across different professional fields, and discusses in detail the concepts correlation with gender issues and social change. A detailed, step-by-step model of treatment to aid in de-escalating this potentially problematic style is also offered. The model in and of itself is unique because it integrates psychoanalytic conflict theory and psychodynamic systems theory into one treatment approach. This book is intended to offer the therapist a model for understanding and effectively discussing this dynamic, while at the same time allowing couples to read and explore it on their own.
The Solo Partner
Author: Phil DeLuca
Based on successful methods used for years by a marriage counselor in his clinical practice, this book offers practical advice and effective techniques to get relationships back on track. "It is possible to heal your relationship without the help of your partner, " says the author, and this book, illustrated with real life examples of the dynamic struggles and processes of relationship in crisis, shows how. The book, called "a breakthrough for couples in understanding the dynamics of power struggles in relationship, " by psychotherapist Carolyn Bushong, teaches the reader how to shift interaction from a destructive to a healing mode, how to keep from being blamed by your partner, and how to prevent the frustrating cycle of pursuing and distancing that so many couples fall into. Included are detailed questionnaires and worksheets to help the reader understand relationship dynamics and identify the best healing strategies. DeLuca, a marriage counselor and family therapist, addresses the problem of noncooperation by one partner in a relationship and provides advice for overcoming obstacles by concentrating on the one partner who recognizes the problems and is motivated to conquer them. "How could I teach a couple to resolve their problems when one partner refused to acknowledge a problem existed -- let alone discuss it?" he asks. This work, the result of the author's 25 years experience in marriage and family counseling, answers that question.
Author: Stephen Betchen
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Do you and your partner argue about the same things over and over again? Are you often confused about why your partner is so angry with you? Are things getting worse and worse even though you’ve tried everything you can think of to make them better? In this breakthrough guide to repairing romantic relationships, therapist and marriage researcher Dr. Stephen Betchen presents a powerful new explanation of what leads to this kind of escalating conflict in couples and how you can repair your relationship and find a whole new level of happiness. Based on his extensive experience as a couples’ therapist, Dr. Betchen has discovered that the prevailing idea that opposites attract is wrong. Instead, one of the strongest forces that attracts people to one another is that they share a hidden, inner conflict in their lives—an unconscious struggle within themselves that each of them developed growing up—which he calls a "master conflict." The fact that a couple shares a master conflict acts as an almost magnetic force of attraction, but, over time, master conflicts often begin to push a pair apart—many of the very things you most appreciated about each other start to grate on you, producing increasing hostility. The good news is that by identifying the master conflict that you share, you and your partner can take the steps to break the cycle of fighting and come to a new place of understanding and happiness in your relationship. Often, just the realization that you have this hidden conflict acts as a powerful cure, allowing you to appreciate each other once again and to be empathetic about the things that have been irritating you both. From his years of work with couples, Betchen has identified the nineteen most common master conflicts—such as getting your needs met vs. caretaking; giving vs. withholding; commitment vs. freedom; power vs. passivity—and for each he provides vivid stories of couples who have struggled with them, as well as simple tests that help you to: • Identify the core master conflict that is causing your relationship problems • Understand the origins of your conflict and how it drew you to your partner • Diagnose how the conflict is now pushing you apart • Come to new terms with the conflict to save your relationship As Dr. Betchen writes, knowledge of a master conflict is power, and Magnetic Partners is an empowering guide that will help you not only to identify and control your master conflict, but also to bring your relationship to a new level based on deeper understanding, ultimately leading to greater fulfillment and long-term resilience. Partners
Author, artist, and clinical psychologist Robert W. Firestone and collaborator Joyce Cattlet dig deep into the psychology of destructive behavior--both its source and how it manifests itself in personal relationships between men, women, couples, and families, and in the social arena. They posit that if we can understand the source of aggressiveness and learn to cope with the urges it impels, we can better rear future generations and improve mental health practices in general. This position offers a hope of altering what many people consider to be humankinds's basically unethical nature.
Master Conflict Therapy
Author: Stephen J. Betchen, Heather L. Davidson
Illustrated with case studies, this book teaches couples and sex therapists the comprehensive, integrative treatment approach of master conflict therapy (MCT), which combines psychoanalytic conflict theory and Bowen Theory with the basic principles and practice of sex therapy. MCT suggests that each partner has an internal conflict born out of their experiences from their respective families of origin. Partners then choose one another based on these conflicts, and it is only when they are out of balance that the couple experiences symptoms. The authors help clinicians treat couples through providing them with a solid theoretical foundation, a practical assessment procedure, and highly effective treatment techniques to re-balance a couple and, in turn, alleviate their sexual symptoms.
Desire & Desirability
Author: Alison Poulsen, Ph.d.
Publisher: Createspace Independent Publishing Platform
Whether you are the Pursuer desiring more intimacy or the Distancer seeking more autonomy, "Desire & Desirability" gives you insight into the dangers of the Pursuer/Distancer relationship pattern and the tools to break free of it. When Pursuers seek too much connection or attachment, Distancers feel smothered or trapped. When Distancers feel too much pressure for togetherness, they become anxious about losing their freedom and their sense of self. Ultimately, when pushed too hard for increased connection, Distancers often withdraw from the relationship leaving the Pursuer feeling rejected or heartbroken. To sustain a mutually-fulfilling relationship, the first step is knowing how to change your own behavior to transform the relationship dynamic. Real-life examples illustrate ways to transform desire based on need into desirability based on fullness. The examples focus primarily on couples in loving relationships but the principles discussed hold true for all types of relationships including parents and children, co-workers, and friends. The strategies in this book will empower you to achieve a more sustainable and happier relationship based on mutual desire.
Virtually all significant relationships are shadowed by a third party-another person, a competing distraction, or even a memory. This groundbreaking book provides clinicians with a hands-on guide to working with many different kinds of relationship triangles in therapy with families, couples, and individuals. The authors show why triangles come into being, how to predict their evolving nature, and how they can be dealt with and resolved in treatment. A wealth of clinical case material and treatment suggestions illustrates how thinking in terms of threes, as well as individuals and dyads, can greatly increase therapeutic flexibility and effectiveness. The paperback edition includes a new series editor's note by Michael P. Nichols.
Author: Barry McCarthy, Emily McCarthy
For over a decade Rekindling Desire has helped to restore and restructure sexuality in thousands of lives. This expanded edition continues the exploration of inhibited sexual desire and no-sex relationships by respected therapist Barry McCarthy, who brings decades of knowledge and the expertise that comes from having treated almost 3,000 couples for sexual problems. Contained within are suggested strategies and exercises that help develop communication and sexual skills, as well as interesting case studies that open the doors to couples’ sexual frustrations. The shame, embarrassment, and hesitancy that individuals feel with themselves, and the resentment and blame they can feel towards their sexual partners, are explored and put into context. Whether you are married, cohabitating, or dating, or if you are 25, 45, or 75, reading this book will help renew your sexual desire and put you on the path towards healthy, pleasure-oriented sexuality.
The editors and contributors of this comprehensive text provide a unique and important contribution to LGBT clinical literature. Spanning 30 chapters, they discuss the diverse and complex issues involved in LGBT couple and family therapy. In almost 15 years, this book provides the first in-depth overview of the best practices for therapists and those in training who wish to work effectively with LGBT clients, couples, and families need to know, and is only the second of its kind in the history of the field. The clinical issues discussed include • raising LGBT children • coming out • elderly LGBT issues • sex therapy • ethical and training issues Because of the breadth of the book, its specificity, and the expertise of the contributing authors and editors, it is the definitive handbook on LGBT couple and family therapy.
Important, ready-to-use facts on the use of family of origin applications in clinical supervision practice.
The Wonder of Girls
Author: Michael Gurian
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Michael Gurian, whose national bestseller The Wonder of Boys presented a radical and enlightening view of parenting sons, now offers a groundbreaking approach to raising daughters. In The Wonder of Girls, Gurian, himself the father of two girls, provides crucial information for fully understanding the basic nature of girls: up-to-date scientific research on female biology, hormones, and brain development and how they shape girls' interests, behavior, and relationships. He also offers insight into a culture mired in competition between traditionalism and feminism and a new vision that provides for the equal status of girls and women yet acknowledges their nature as complex and distinct from men. He explains what is "normal" for girls each year from birth to age 20; what developmental needs girls face in each stage; how to communicate effectively with girls; and how to cope with developmental crises such as early sexuality, eating disorders, parental divorce, and more. With personal insights, practical tips, real-life anecdotes, and accessible science, The Wonder of Girls creates a new parenting paradigm. Key elements include: a nature-based approach to why girls are the way they are the connection between the need for profound attachment and the physical and brain development of girls support for a girl's inherent need for intimacy tools to protect girls' self-esteem and emotional life a new approach to girls' character development and rites of passage. With this scientifically based developmental map of girlhood, Gurian equips parents with a comprehensive guide for raising daughters. Challenging our culture to examine and embrace a crucial piece of the puzzle missing thus far, The Wonder of Girls elevates the dialogue on parenthood.
Written in response to common questions posed by adults with ADD in the author's clinical practice - and for all adults with ADD, as well as those who care about them - this book is designed as a clear and practical guide for day-to-day life. The author's perspective is one of compassionate realism as she answers specific questions related to understanding and accommodating ADD whether making daily decisions or larger life choices.
Author: D. Merilee Clunis, G. Dorsey Green
Publisher: Seal Press (CA)
Written with lesbian couples and their special needs in mind, this guide to navigating the tricky waters of lesbian relationships focuses on a wide range of issues, including butch-femme, transgender identity, monogamy, bisexuality, and much more. Original.
Even now, at the end of the twentieth century, many still have difficulty standing up and saying, "I am the parent of a gay child." Something to Tell You recounts the stories of families whose lives have been touched by the discovery that a child is lesbian or gay--how it affects and influences people's perceptions of their children and even changes the self-image of parents themselves. Focusing on fifty average families--not people seen in clinics or therapy--the authors found a consistent pattern of change: first negative, then positive. Sometimes the news led parents and siblings to form stronger bonds with the child, with each other, and with other relatives and friends. In many cases, their child's partner and partner's family grew to assume an important role in their own lives. In some cases, parents and siblings discovered new meaning in their lives through speaking out or joining PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and becoming part of the struggle for lesbian and gay rights. The authors found that families committed to staying together are typically able to overcome the powerful obstacles imposed by society. Something to Tell You also shows the lasting and sometimes tragic consequences for families who falter in the process of integration. Unwilling to accept their child's sexuality, some parents sought to blame each other, and all too often their own relationships unraveled as a result. Others who failed to tell close friends sometimes lost those friends through keeping secrets. Parents who neglected to form bonds with their child's partner fostered climates of alienation that persisted for years. A richly diverse collection of family stories, Something to Tell You is a book that will help break down widespread prejudice and put an end to destructive cultural myths. It affirms families' highest aspirations toward active love for their gay children, showing the steps to take toward new levels of support, solidarity, and love.
The Ways We Love
Author: Sheila A. Sharpe
Publisher: Guilford Press
This volume delineates a developmental theory of love relationships that provides a comprehensive approach to treating couples. Drawing on her 30 years of clinical experience, Sheila A. Sharpe conceptualizes marriage and other committed partnerships as comprising multiple patterns of relating that develop over time in a parallel, though interconnected, fashion. Seven universal patterns of intimate relating are identified: nurturing, merging, idealizing, devaluing, controlling, competing for superiority, and competing in love triangles. Sharpe demonstrates how these patterns originate in a person's early experience, are reworked in different ways throughout life, and express everyone's basic needs for both connection and separateness. Supplying vital insights and tools for therapeutic work, the volume offers the clinician a multifaceted perspective on how couple relationships grow and what happens when their growth becomes derailed.